he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
