Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
