wakey wakey hands off snakey
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if only i could text you this smell
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
