but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
