we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
