Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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