so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
