M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just puked most of my soul out..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
