Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
