At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
