He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
