i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
