how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We're too hungover to prance.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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