She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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