Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
