Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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