I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My hand turned me down
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
