I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
