I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
