What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
