Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
