I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
soo... how was my night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
