Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
