I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
