the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize