The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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