Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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