JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
