Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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