then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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