ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
