be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
