I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
