she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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