if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
