I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
