Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
