Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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