It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He shit in the fireplace
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
