Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
