I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
