someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
