Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
