I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
