I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
