I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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