Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize