The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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