i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
