So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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