Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
