chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
